The veredict.

June 6th:

There are a couple of things any Tori Amos fan worth their salt should know when talking about her:

Tori Amos loves Tori Amos.

Tori Amos is too damn talented for her own good.

Tori Amos is unconfortable with her appearence, and has been for years before the "touch up".

Yes, her plastic surgery affected me, in a way, on a personal level. I always saw the woman as one with steel integrity - idolized her to no end. But Myra Ellen Amos is just another human being, with insecurities, fears, flaws, lies and truths about her. I realize, though, that Tori Amos, the person, has never really interested me in the least - at some point I found her personal life interesting; I too once thought her as one with superior intellect - but let's face it, there is more paranoia and shallowness to this woman than there is authenticity and sincerity. Her political views are misinformed, paranoid and often times plain stupid.

Having said that, I know I should be focusing on the Tori Amos she gives more freely (freer for cunts that download and never buy): the musician- but it's quite difficult when Mrs. I-have-so-much-money-I'll-throw-it-at-your-face-every-chance-I-get talks about couture, travelling, how much her living costs and how much Husband™ spends on recording equipment channelled in a Parish-Hilton-wannabe vibe, then talks about how Give is about the recession and how terrible it is. It's like having a recently laid off friend over for dinner and showing them how much you just spent on a 32" plasma screen.

June 30th:

So evidently I decided one month wasn't enough time with this album.

In a world obsessed with small lighters and big cocks, Abnormally Attracted to Sin comes for the one who likes to pretend to be sexually sophisticated (come on, nothing sophisticated about the Fuck Me eyes, or a rim job, or a rim job breath) - an album that requires avoiding, at all cost, what Tori Amos has to say about.

All the poppycock and prevaticating really do prevent one from enjoying the album for what it is: a lust-enameled, luxurious fun gem that is very out there (the title track is lush); an album that makes her happy, seemingly. To expect her to write Boys for Pele part deux (not musically, but in the inspirational, progressive sense) 14 years later is just delusional - she is not the same person she was back then, and probably it's best for her own sake.

I like the fact that the lack of musical structure (Police Me, Welcome to England, Starling) is back on the game but, as a whole, it's still missing the way her former albums (namely, her first 5) used to coalesce into a huge pile of flawless genius.

While I enjoy the album greatly and still think it's a big step in the right direction from the last two albums, and the production is mostly flawless, I am a bit saddened she doesn't think of the piano, which initially brought me to her 11 years ago, as the main instrument- it's so buried in the mix you can barely tell it's there - however, thank jeebus for stealing music from the internet, coz I found solo versions of Fire to Your Plain and Lady in Blue (2009 05 28, some radio show) that tell me she's still got it. These are breathtaking and beautiful, download them!

Why doesn't she fuck that piano in the studio like she does live will always be a mystery to me- the mind boggles when you get to hear the two Tori Amos that are there: not Pip, not Santa nor Jabba the Hut - Tori Amos, the snobbish cunt who believes the goverment is after her, and Tori Amos who cares about nothing but her piano.

When she loses all relevance (within the next 5 years? You know her albums sales have dropped, significantly) and no one cares about pseudo-pomo alt electronic-acoustic music maybe she'll release an album where the piano matters again? Let us hope so, because as much as I love to hate her wrongheaded decisions, I know I will follow her until she stops making music.

Loving the album (and that amazing djembé in Flavor) for what it is and not hating it for what it's not.

Personal final tracklist:

Give

Welcome to England

Fire yo Your Plain

Police Me

Abnormally Attracted to Sin

Flavor

Strong Black Wine

That Guy

Curtain Call

Lady in Blue

I think the album flows perfectly like this.

Oh, and...

Mary Jane (The Lost Visualette).

Tori Amos - Abnormally Attracted to Sin part 5.

Finally got my dirty paws on the full-lenght of the album (see previous entry) and I must say I find myself eating crow meat as it didn't suck half as much as I kind of expected it to.

This is how it'll work: I'll type in a first-impression review of sorts and I'll make it a compromise to come back in a month's time and post a different review. Why? Because this album is a grower, which is perfectly OK in my book. Both The Beekeeper and American Doll Posse were instant love for me, which of course worn out 48 hours later as I realized those albums were Tori by numbers and not at all inspired - the production sucked major donkey balls and the lyrics were belligerently brain-dead. Not to mention Mark's guitar playing skills (or lack thereof) were as depressing as seeing Katy Perry breathing.

I'll not talk about those dreadful visualettes (I downloaded 8 of them few days ago but couldn't be arsed to play them so I didn't hear those songs back then). I'll just pretend they never happened as I did with the The Beekeeper seed packet.

Give - Soo before the sun, before the sun beings to rise... Must admit that, even after being disappointed this track isn't original-sounding by any means, I had a soft spot for it. Especially since her vocal delivery is very strong, very vampiresque, as is the song itself. I really like the ambient-y sound of it, very Venus, if you ask me...and I like how the hiss-y/windy sound towards the end melts into Welcome to England. The piano is kind of bitchy. I can use bitchy piano. Concise, tight - not dragged-out (see: A Sorta Fairytale). Leaves me begging for more. Great album opener. Edit - Oh, OK. "Some whose give twists itself to take". 

Welcome to England - She recently said in an interview she had a hard time finding her place in England - and if I'm not remembering incorrectly, how she felt inadequate in her husband's social circles. Cars and Guitars could've made a really, really interesting song about this. It's evident she'd been struggling with this even before or around the time The Beekeeper came out (too obvious - Tori is into cars and Mark, well, he...seems to enjoy the guitar, even if in an amateurish fashion). 

I believe this song is her way of telling him, "you know, I got fucked over with all the taxes and the weather here is horrid but I'll just get over it. You are a dummy but you have a nice cock". Though I believe Tori's 12-inch cock may be veinier. This song is pretty innocuous - I like the synths and the second verse is fierce. The piano is also there, and that makes me happy. Too radio-friendly for my taste, but I do enjoy it. THANK YOU, TORI AMOS, FOR BRINGING THE BRIDGES BACK INTO YOUR MUSIC. 

Strong Black Vine - Dear me. I do like the strings. I think this song is Classic Cunty Tori™ - but for some reason it reminds me a lot of that P. Diddy song he recorded for the movie Godzilla. I can also see recycled lyrics/ from American Doll Posse here (Body and Soul) - I'll have to spend more time with this one to decide whether I love or loathe it.

Flavor - Well, well - This is, so far and by far, my favorite song on the thing. First time Tori's music gives me goosebumps since . . . Sweet Sangria? Her voice sounds very Massive Attack-y - I am blown away by the production. You must pick a side - will you choose fear? Will you choose love? - Very pertinent for me at this time. The beat is dreamy. This is one I think I'll love for years to come. I can't get over how good her voice sounds. How very unexpected. Piano. Finally, again, you can actually hear the damn piano.

Not Dying Today - Bwahaha! Dolphin Song's ugly, stumpy, unwed, middle-aged, pimply lonely aunt.

Maybe California - I don't know whether this song is about instrospection for her or just something she felt in the mood for writing. She's been married 11 years - somewhere along the way she must've felt like she made a huge mistake. Sounds very sad - too bad it's really freaking boring. Wish she had dumped the drums and just kept the strings.

Curtain Call - Heard this one a few days ago - The guitar is not all that offensive. I know this song is very well-done and pretty and has nice lyrics, but it just hasn't grabbed me. 

Fire to Your Plain - Madonna will sue you for stealing this track from her Bedtime Stories demo repertoire. I like the synths - too 90s. I'll make you a mix CD (or DVD or Bluray Disc) with songs that were released from 2001 onwards, dear.

Police Me - Yeah. No. 

That Guy - Didn't expect this song to be this good after reading the lyrics. Its feeling (vocals) is a bit choirgirl-y, I think. The strings are just perfection here. Mr. Shenale, is still as good as ever.

Abnormally Attracted to Sin - Had heard this one a few days ago - Wasn't sure it was picadillo she was talking about but . . . looks like she is. Very spacey, I like the bits in the background, especially since I can't make out what they are.

500 Miles - Even saying how much this song sucks is kind. Not Dying Today takes the cake, though.

Mary Jane - Bit like Regina Spektor's Baby Jesus or your own Velvet Revolution. Mary, Mary's of the Seas, Mary Jane - what's gonna be on the next album, Mary Magdalene? Cute song. Could've been a b-side.

Starling - Great start. I like that war-like beat in the background - You actually did try different sounds with this album - kudos to you. What? Wow. What's with the bridge? A bit odd. This album is indeed a bit stranger than I thought it'd be. Is this song about you being tired of what you do? The end is odd. Does this song fade out onto another and where is it? Very nice song - it'¡s all out there.

Fast Horse - Sounds like an ADP outtake. Does it eventually go somewhere? Make it stop?

Ophelia - Very nice piano. Relaxed vocals. Domestic violence?

Lady in Blue - Can't help but think she is the lady in blue (if I am not misremembering, she wore blue in her wedding). She has some blue references in older songs (Black-Dove, Never Seen Blue, et al). So you do have regrets, Tori, after all? Very nicely layered vocals.  This is actually much better than the live version. Can't wrap my mind around the need of the drums and bass on this track. It starts very beautifully and not forced. Very, very beautiful first 4 and a half minutes. Algthough I must say I do like the epic sound the band adds. Great album closer. First epic track since I Can't See New York. We'll see you in a month, Lady in Blue.

By no means the best album of the year (Patrick Wolf, anyone?). It is the right step from ADP and TBK, though, I feel. She needs to edit her albums better.

Select the songs that make more sense to you, woman. Donate Maybe Californias and Not Dying Todays to some charities or something. I believe, sadly, that even if everyone screamed from the rooftops that this is what you should do, you'll never do it. Who in the name of jeebus told you, woman, that singles are of no use anymore? Must've been than stupid husband of yours. Indie artists that sell 1/45826 of what you do have singles. With b-sides. Shock. Breathe. Think.

The lenght and the lazy, uninspiured songs are my bitch with this album. Overall, you did an excellent job, Tori Amos.

Today, my Abnormally Attracted to Sin sounds as follows:

Give

Welcome to England

Flavor

Curtain Call

That Guy

Abnormally Attracted to Sin

Starling

Ophelia

Lady in Blue

Bonus track (on special DVD with a 5.1 surround mix of the album thrown in there-hahahaha-):

Mary Jane.

10 tracks, Tori, not too difficult.

As of today, 7 out of 10 stars.

Give 'em a religion, baby.

Abnormally Attracted to Sin.

Maybe California, Give and Curtain Call.

Well, I gotta admit that I am quite amazed by Give, especially by the way it ends. Sounds slightly like a Portishead rip-off, which is not necessarily a bad thing, except Portishead did it first, many years ago.

I am not yet sure about Curtain Call...at least you can actually hear the goddammned piano in it!

The visualette for Give is not at all offensive, not like Maybe California's, I gotta say!

Maybe California was released today in its entirety by Tori "herself". I've yet to decide how I feel about this one. I think they could've done so much more with the strings.

So that makes:

1. Welcome to England
   
2. Fire to Your Plain
   
3. 500 Miles
   
4. Maybe California
   
5. Give
   
6. Curtain Call
   

Looking forward to Lady in Blue and Mary Jane!

*Give and Curtain Call ripped from an online video streaming. Maybe California is CD-quality.

Click.

Tori Amos - Abnormally Attracted to Shit.

Dear Tori Amos,

I get that your daughter brought you a lot of joy; I get that you are a cunt and that's why all talented people who at some point worked with you (Palmano, Caton, Aucoin --- ok, that was not your fault, but still) are gone because of your cuntiness; I get that your husband feels emasculated (I mean, why the fuck else would you let him ruin songs like Amber Waves, Almost Rosey, et al with his obnoxious, uninspired, untalented guitar playing?); I get that you're free to do whatever you want with your music; I know that Atlantic and Sony are huge companies that sell music, not create it; I get that you've never felt attractive and that's why you got those godawful plastic surgeries you didn't need - but I don't get 500 Miles. Especially not now that you have "complete creativity freedom".

Tori's people - grow some balls and tell her "Fire to Your Plain" was already done by Madonna in 1994!

Why would the woman who wrote "Purple People", "i i e e e", "Doughnut Song" write, play and RELEASE something like "500 Miles"?

If you're uninspired, go be uninspired somewhere else. Get the fuck out! Retire with dignity! Protect your legacy! You have reached a whole new low of suck. Impressive!

For those with a sense of humor (needed to play this song):

Edited.

(Thanks to Phill from the Hub for the song).