Many agree that
Pele is a very self-indulgent album. Well, I believe it is
meant to be self-indulgent, for Tori's own sake, when she wrote it. From the very first lines [she's a beauty queen/can't figure what it is, but I lie, lie, lie again], you can tell she
has to take on characters to express herself. From Jungian psychology, and Edgar Allan Poe references to spiders [Courtney Love], poison and biological weapons, she explores every bit of her self (two words) to try and find out what went wrong and why this break up was so damn hard on her.
Pele is a gift to herself (one word), but
Doughnut Song is a gift to us all.
The album begins at the main entrance of Pele, while still active. There is irrepressible anger, winsome external melodies that guide her through finding her own self-worth again. She rides on horses to get away, and on the way she entertains the idea of childhood being the perfect escape but, given her current state, she can't help but associate childhood with death, hence her tribute to Marianne. Curses god, embraces lucifer (or, what others might think of as, insecurity), shaves crabs off her vagina and burns her own idealized, erroneous image of marriage (Caught a Lite Sneeze), she tries her best to find her own voice again, against all odds (men, women, religion), until it all boils down to her being unable to do so. Even at the end of the album, she needs to pretend to be a star, and likes to think no one and nothing can harm/touch her as such.
Before the end, though, she lets on for a little bit. She admits to her infatuation and desperation, she makes an effort to tackle on reality as part of her healing process. She stops for a moment and clicks on the "play" button of her answering machine.
Had me a trick, and a kick, and your message
After dating a series of other self-destructive men, and reinforcing her own self-destructive tendencies, she decides to come home, and finds his message.
You'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole
In ToriSpeak, his message to her. He is basically telling her she will never benefit from someone who is empty. She needs to nurture from something that is tangible [I'm assuming psychological work], as opposed to what he gives her.
Then thought that I could decipher your message
Very common of everyone to think we know, understand and accept another for who they truly are. For long periods of time, damaging our own individuality, all out of pure pride. Even at this point, she is somehow hopeful his message has any meaning and, after all this time, that she will finally get it. Get him.
There's no one here, dear, no one at all
But what's the point of thinking about any of that now? Whatever was there, is not there anymore. So...
And if I'm wasting all your time, this time
I guess you never learned to take
After all they went through, he still dares to leave an empty message. Sarcasm in the first line. In the second line, she is coming to terms with whom he truly is. He never learned to take whatever she gave him.
And if I'm hanging onto your shade
I guess I'm way beyond the pale
But she still can't get him out of her system. She is still hanging onto his ghost (the same ghost she makes reference of in Putting the Damage On, later on in the album). Even though he's gone. So she realizes she's in a situation beyond imagination. Still out of her own skin, unable to find her self-worth.
And Southern men can grow gold, can grow purtty
blood can be pretty like a delicate man
In the little sense left in her, she can tell the different between a man that can nourish and one that cannot. Yet she is furious and starts to think revenge is not that bad an idea at this point.
Copper to steel to a hinge that is faltered
that lets you in, lets you in, lets you in
He are steel and she copper (copper is also red), and they are trying to forge a hinge that will be inevitably faltered. The fact that this hinge is letting him in reinforces the idea that she does need psychological help. She knows (Way Down) this man is damaging to her, yet she can't let go. She is used to the abuse and, in other level, sees this as affection.
You can tell me it's over, when it's over
You can tell me over, over your shoulder
You can tell me it's over, it's over and
Come in, Houston
She is basically saying, "I am going to let go of you when I am ready". It'll be over when it's over, but not just yet. Tell me it's over, but first let me cry you out on your own shoulder. Tell me it's over then, when it's over, come in, Houston ("come in john wayne/real southern men/healthy men").
Something's just keeping you numb
Can't you see what I see? I am here, analysing what went wrong. What are your thoughts on our (former?) relationship? Towards the end, she resigns. She realizes he is not meant for her, and finds it depressing that he can't be part of this.
You told me last night you were a sun, now
With your very own devoted satellite.
Another reference to the ending of the album, Twinkle. At this point, he looks down on her, and is already with someone else. She learns this. And, as the quote implies, it's not "a new girlfriend" he's got. It's another object that revolves around him, as he is a "sun".
Happy for you and I am sure that I hate you
Two sons too many, too many able fires.
This is a core of sorts for all of Boys for Pele her. She describes her questioning of whether or not two whole, mature beings can survive together. Can two suns co-exist? She is also probably trying to integrate the Abel and Cain archetypes. Two suns/sons too many, too many able/Abel fires. Is she referring to the collective unconcious of betrayal?
You've been wasting all my time, this time
I said you never learned to take
And if I'm hanging onto you shade
I guess I'm way beyond the pale
She tells herself she's done with the situation. Or, at least, she likes telling herself she is. Still there is no where to turn to. No one to help her. It's just her and her feeling.
Had me a trick and a kick and your message
You'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole.
The end of the song, but she's still got that bitter taste in her mouth. It's not until Putting the Damage On where she decides to admit to her desperation. Where she admits she is still infatuated, and can't do anything about it. Decides to fly on to Twinkle and that's where she decides she is strong enough to overcome this (but I know a girl twice as hard...).
Tada.
